You know, I can’t spell ‘squirrel’. I don’t know why I can’t, I just can’t. Totally spellchecked; you’ve caught me red-handed.
Squirrels are interesting. One of the most cleaver animals around, and (though I may be the only one who thinks this) arguably one of the most financially smart creatures known to man. Think about it, this guy is all about the hustle! When have you ever seen a squirrel sitting still? They’re ALWAYS moving, and they’re NEVER wasting time. Squirrels spend most of their time looking for, harvesting (saving), and investing nuts. If nuts were money the little bastards’d be richer than all of us. It’s practically their entire day. Find a nut, repeat until you have a full load, store nuts for later. Repeat all day; break up the routine with an occasional snack. Such dedication. It’s the type of discipline you have to apply to personal finance. And what do they get for all that hard work? From what I’ve seen, some decent free time to relax, and quite a lot of sex. You ever see a squirrel not looking for food, chances are it’s racing through the trees or over a building with other squirrely buds just chillen. You ever see a squirrel having sex? Probably not, but take a look outside just for kicks; that population isn’t going down anytime soon. While you’re sleeping Mr. Squirrel is gettin’ it in & yea, the neighbors know his name. What a great life. Be financially prosperous, hang out with your boys, and sex it up. Squirrels have it too easy.
Dark Angel on the other hand…well I don’t know if interesting is the word we should use. Complicated, maybe? And no one understands him but his…oh wait, that’s another story. Dark overdrafted his account in April. The overdraft happened on account of Paypal refusing to believe his name was real; DESPITE having sorted out any identity issues well early into the start of his 2.5 year tenure with the company. The Paypal flag [stopping an automatic payment to one of his bills] triggered a flag at his brick-and-motor bank. A hold up that’s costs more than Dark has ever needed to spend; seeing how it wasn’t his fault. But while most of the damage was undone, not enough to keep the brick-and-motor account out of the negative zone. No big though, he could probably handle this. He’s going to be a finance major afterall, remember. Dark went to see the wonderful HR wizard of Oz about changing his direct deposit from his negative account to his positive account. 3 Times! 3 times the wizard acknowledged his request & 3 times ignored it all the same. The last request would have been a magical blessing for Dark’s [positive] bank account and overall finances, but upon the day anticipated, there was only disappointment. There was a lot of rage too, but anger is so very tiring for The Dark these days. His old bones simply yearn for a simpler time. So Dark watched his phone payment (along with everything else) float away like a cloud. Which normally wouldn’t have been that big an issue, but unknown to The Dark, the wicked witch of the border sent some Mexcian hacker-monkey to cripple Dark’s email. Dark was allowed to retrieve access to his email, on one condition, the meager expense of verifying a text or phone call to the phone number on file; which would be possible if not for the the fact that his phone can’t be used until the phone bill is paid, which never happened because the wonderful wizard of HR never transfered his direct deposit!
RESIDUAL RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…sigh…Leaving Dark with virtually no possible way to get in touch with almost anyone and vice versa. Money mismanagement for the fucking win. And what does Dark get for his hard work? He gets to work 3 jobs, just to break even and cover his bills. He gets a bunch of rowdy roommates who never go to sleep & when they do they snore so loud you can hear them from anywhere in the house. He gets tired beyond recover, in addition to clients, classmates, and 3 sets of co-workers all telling him he looks dead on arrival and far too tired for someone his age. Course it’s a lot more sobering when he hears the same thing from the homeless community. He gets to come home every night and see his eyes so bloodshot you’d swear he was jacked up on something he conjured up special that you can’t find on the streets. He gets to spend a lot of time thinking about things he doesn’t get, things he can’t have, and things he’ll probably never have, no matter how bad he may need them. And he gets no support; though he’s not sure he’d even take it if he had the option. And that’s just the stuff on the surface.
After everything I’ve had to deal with this month, I think it’s time to get my squirrel on.
