I found this song not to long ago and subsequently added it to my library. At first it was just a really cool song, but then, like, I don’t know..The more and more I listened to it, the more and more it felt like my personal background music or themesong, cause it’d make me reflect on everything leading up to my recent relocation and every reason I hated it. It was as if the music spoke to me, as if it spoke for me. Every tear that swelled, every temper that rose, every thought that aroused, every curiosity that dominated; all of it contained within the song, rolled into one mind-blowing epiphany. It’s brought back a lot of memories (of the ones available anyway) and as I schizophrenically flashback to all sorts of crap I’d never given a second thought, I see my life flash before my eyes. And each time it’s as if hearing the song for the first time, and every memory returned is something new. As such, I haven’t been able to stop listening to the song-it’s almost become a daily ritual, because even though I’d rather forget my pain and move on to more progressive things as soon as possible, it’s near unbearable to see so much that I’ve worked for destroyed, taken from me, and forced out my hand.
I know my critics supporters will/would/have argued that I’m young enough to bounce back, that I’ve been through worse, that I can always change things given enough time, etc, etc. But I’m not so sure of myself, sadly. I mean, while the move itself was considerably painful damage that hurt like hell, it’s not the core of the issue as it were. For all my smarts, luck, and advantages, I wasn’t able to stop this. Even sadder it’s not the only area or person I have failed in recent memory. Looking back I find that there’s not any particular reason for these specific turn of events, and wonder if all I’ve done to advance myself has only truly set me back? I suppose within some degree, since this changes everything, that I must question everything. Still, now that something like this has happened I’m scared it has scarred my judgment and I’ll be forever driven to avoid things like this again…
