So….how do I feel about March 2010?
FUCK YOU MARCH!!!!!!
Sorry, I really had to get that out of my system….
To say that nothing went as planned is a mountain of an understatment. I won’t bore you with the details; I won’t indulge my Red Lantern’s rage.
I’ve made a lot of small efforts that’ve (and continue to) paid off, and I’m good & focused on everything I need to be. Hyperfocused , after this month. I’m taking care of business; and watching the grand design unfold is glorious! Yet traction is the hardest thing I’m having trouble with. There are hordes of unplanned variables that I’m fending off all at once, that were never in the original framework. Like having my hours cut like sushi because of management miscommunication, or an extra $XX.XX of debt to pay off, or moving every freaking week of the entire month. I WANT A HOUSE [OF MY OWN] NOW!!!!
A hazerdous element that’s easily reflected in my budget; the constant instability of March has fucked me 20 ways to Sunday. For example. I can easily get an all-access pass to get around the city for $39, yet [as of time of writing this] I’ve spent $109.74 on transportation for the month of March alone (which is a lot for me, considering my total budget). You don’t even want to know what my food costs have been.
Of course to the flipside of that equation, I’ve made some new friends, or re-connnected w/some dearly missed aquantiences. And I paid down even more debt, which is always a good afternoon in my book. In fact, a key miscalculation I indulged has me about $2,000 behind budget that looks to be coming my way just a few months longer than planned. So everything’s still more or less going according to plan, and while [about] $2,000 would solve all my current problems, this month hasn’t totally sucked monkey eggs.
Though I must really question my sanity, for I think I want to live in Baltimore City. That’s right, Bmore baby!
Of course considering the recent loss of my laptop, a lot of demissions, strategy, and abilities have changed. But you know, it’s not the end of the world; in fact ‘Change’ is 1 of the fabled 11 (but more on that later). But devastating as it is, it won’t stop my blogging. I’ve got a bug, this is the only way to take care of it.
A customer of mine [at work] told me I came across an actor (which is flattering and ironic given my minor) & he’s right. After a month like the one I’ve had, despite what little good’s come my way. I’m pissed as hell, depressed as fuck, about 8 shots [alchy] from going all masochistic on the nearest concrete wall, and unable to come up w/1 positive thought on anything. A quiet rage I fuel by coming down hard on myself every waking moment, because I can’t seem to blame anyone else. And yet all I do is stare off and nod my head. you’d never know, it’d be hard to tell unless maybe you read something like this. There are maybe 2 people [I even get the chance to] talk to, and even with that confience and trust in me, I can’t really unload with them. It feels unfair, like I should carry the load a la Atlas or Herc. So believe me when I say I’ve no idea why I’m even writting this other than 1) I aim to rise above the dread and hype & 2) I continue pulsed into the idea that this blog is a representation of myself.
Hopefully your week is going better than mine….
